I Am Not a Good Human

I am not what some call good, productive, or any such term
It seems as if I go around feeling nothing at all,
even when surrounded by things that should matter.

I've had people pick away at my soul for so long
I'm beginning to think I have none of it left,
if I ever had it to begin with...

I don't care when I should
I don't feel when I should
I don't know if I care or feel at all, sometimes...
My heart is an invalid, it's weak flutterings routinely crushed by apathy.
I have no ideals.
Even my dreams - what there is of them - are hopelessly cracked with indiffernece.
I refuse to kneel in front of two perpendicular pieces of wood
Because I'm too busy seeing the hypocricy and persecution behind them
To see that their message was once pure and innocent.

I am flawed...

I can distract myself from the fact that life is purposeless for only so long
We live, we eat, we destroy, we die
Yes, we can be happy, but nothing ever happens, and nothing ever changes.

Am I wrong that I refuse to swallow the blindness this society feeds us?
Ambition, Charity, Niceness...
Let's all be Good, Perfect, Human Beings
Does anyone else not see the ultimate futility of this?
The teacher and student fuck for a better grade, the minister is an alcoholic, the parent hits their child, the CEO pumps toxic residue into the lakes and rivers, Neo-Nazis and the Religious Right battle it out to create a perfect, white, conservative community, children starve, governments lie, the slave trade still goes on, bloody history repeats itself...
Stupidity, misinformation and hyper-sensitivity are rampant.
The homo sapians have a flaw in the design, the fact is unavoidable
And yet, there is still that desire to better oneself, even though it is impossible.
The cycle is just that: endless

Perhaps I am too cynical
There is some good in life
But the fact that it is cushioned by so much bullshit is impossible to ignore.